if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my phone needs a breathalizer
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
