I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
