so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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