if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
