her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
