The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
