Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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