I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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