Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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