I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
