i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
