R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
