Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I need to sanitize my soul.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
