Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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