capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
