yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
