Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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