woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
