where does the pee come out of this thing
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
