$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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