we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
