I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
