If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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