You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You're a waste of cheezeits
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
