Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
