she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
