The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Everclear isn't food dammit
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
