Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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