I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
