Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
