I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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