WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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