Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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