Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
