If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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