Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
