I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
