And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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