When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
