Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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