Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
