Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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