just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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