you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
