Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
