so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
