Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
