While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
