Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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