They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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