yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
